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Posted on 01. August 20103 Comments

Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister.

I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don't lie to me! Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish. You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better? You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? Did I mention we have comfy chairs?

No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister. I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why. No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister. They're not aliens, they're Earth…liens! I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why. I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everyone's aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I'm introducing myself.

You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? It's art! A statement on modern society, 'Oh Ain't Modern Society Awful?'!

All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? No, I'll fix it. I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor. Don't call me the Rotmeister. No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness.

No… It's a thing; it's like a plan, but with more greatness. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I hate yogurt. It's just stuff with bits in.

All I've got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? You know when grown-ups tell you 'everything's going to be fine' and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?

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About the author

I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor. I don't know why. I call me the Doctor too. I still don't know why. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! You've swallowed a planet! You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! I'm nobody's taxi service; I'm not gonna be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there's an escaped fish.

Comments (3)

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    Phillip Lewis

    1. August 2014

    He'll want to use your yacht, and I don't want this thing smelling like fish. Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right. No, I did not kill Kitty. However, I am going to oblige and answer the nice officer's questions because I am an honest man with no secrets to hide. Well, what do you expect, mother? As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. I hear the jury's still out on science. There's only one man I've ever called a coward, and that's Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I'm calling you is a television actor. I hear the jury's still out on science. Across from where? What's Spanish for "I know you speak English?" Well, what do you expect, mother?

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    William Welch

    15. March 2015

    I hear the jury's still out on science. There's only one man I've ever called a coward, and that's Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I'm calling you is a television actor. I hear the jury's still out on science. Across from where? What's Spanish for "I know you speak English?" Well, what do you expect, mother?

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      Grace Graham

      27. August 2015

      I hear the jury's still out on science. Marry me. He'll want to use your yacht, and I don't want this thing smelling like fish. There's only one man I've ever called a coward, and that's Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I'm calling you is a television actor. Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.

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